


Some Weird Chance

by Ramabear (RyMagnatar)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Birthday Party, Cuddling, Dave POV, F/F, Fluff, Humanstuck, M/M, Mild Smut, Twin Sollux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 17:01:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5710129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyMagnatar/pseuds/Ramabear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's chance that John invites Eridan Ampora to his sixteenth birthday party. Just like it's chance that he accepts the invitation and chance that Dave is the one to open the door to let him into the house. It's chance that they sit together on the floor, enjoying snacks, and chance that Dave finds something really entrancing about the way Eridan eats sugary treats. It's also totally chance that they end up sharing the bed later that night. </p>
<p>He might not be the luckiest kid around, but Dave knew better than to let the chance for something more slip through his fingers without at least trying for it first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Weird Chance

It’s John’s sixteenth birthday and while Dave is absolutely sure that he’s too cool for sleepovers, John’s a dork and has dork allowances in spades. He’s saving them up so he can spend them on stupid shit like this. And spend them he does. 

Dave gets there first, mostly because John says he can show up with everyone else if he wants to and Dave knows that being fashionably late doesn’t apply when someone fucking  _ expects _ you to show up late. He’s an hour early, in fact, with his pillow under his arm and his backpack over his shoulder and the tall, shoddily wrapped present standing at his side. John laughs when he opens the door and takes the present happily. 

There’s just enough time to finish decorating, which Dave does with sarcasm aplenty and by throwing the streamers around, while John’s Dad is in the kitchen putting the final touches on the cake. He’s forbidden entrance to the kitchen entirely and shoves snacks and drinks out the door instead of letting either one of them come in. 

John gags over the smell of the baked goods that wafts out each time the door is open even a crack but the smell makes Dave’s mouth fill with saliva. Home baked goods are unheard of in the Strider home and whatever Dadbert has been whipping up in the kitchen is going to be heaven on the tongue. 

There’s just enough time to get the decorating done, the snacks set up and to spend any time contemplating what mastery of confectionary sugar is going on in the kitchen before the first real guests arrive. They are, of course, guests in the sense that Dave isn’t. He spends the night at John’s all the time, though he rarely has to bring his own pillow along, and has even got a box of clothes in John’s closet for emergencies. 

Dropped off by some parent in a car at the curb, Karkat and Gamzee are the first arrivals. They both have a bag each and a wrapped present, although Gamzee’s looks like it’s in layer upon layer of glittering paper and Karkat’s looks like there wasn’t enough paper left to properly fold around the corners. John drags them inside, grinning and chatting while they put their presents by Dave’s next to the fireplace and Dave takes the job of putting their bags upstairs in the bedroom. 

Gamzee’s just sprawled himself over the armchair when there’s a knock at the door and John goes madly for it. Dave watches his friend in amusement, rolling his eyes in the most exasperated way as John greets the new friends at the door. It’s Nepeta and Rose, carrying presents and bags like the others, and they are swept into John’s giddy hugs before presents and bags are dispersed to their rightful place. 

Karkat’s already pawing through John’s DVD collection, crouched in front of the shelves where most of them are kept, when Rose takes a seat on the couch. Nepeta bounces around, admiring the decorations and paintings of the house she’s not yet been in before getting herself and Rose drinks and climbing onto the couch to sit with her.

John’s arguing with Karkat about what movie to watch and it’s between Guardians of the Galaxy and Gone Girl when there’s another knock at the door. Dave, designated assistant by the sheer chance of being the only one near the door, goes and opens it for the next two guests, Vriska and Aradia. Aradia smiles and Vriska strides in, takes one moment to hear what John’s saying is the ‘best movie of the last year!!!’ and puts in her two cents for Non-Stop instead. 

Dave distracts his bro from the argument to ask, loudly, “Hey, John, has your dad called the pizza guy yet for dinner or is he still working on that cake?” 

John jerks around and his eyes go wide. “Pizza! I almost forgot!” Then he turns and shouts, “DAD!”

The kitchen door swings open just enough for Dadbert to stick out his head and say, “Pepperoni, sausage and mushroom, hawaiian and what else, my son?”

“Olives!” Nepeta shouts before John can say a word. Dadbert nods to her and vanishes again.

“Olives?” John asks her. 

“Yes. Delicious!” Nepeta grins. 

“I have to agree. Olives on pizza is delicious. And at least an attempt at healthy,” Rose says.

“Mushrooms are plenty healthy.” John huffs, but shrugs it off.

“Yeah they are, bro,” Gamzee says from where he’s still sprawled. He’s put the bowl of chips on his chest and is eating them half upside down.

There’s another knock at the door and Dave gets it again. He’s being quite the helpful one, considering it’s John’s fucking party. But his bro’s arguing now with Vriska and Karkat and Nepeta about which movie to start the night with and no one is backing down on their preferred pick. Dave tenses when he sees who’s on the other side of the door: the Captor Twins.

They grin at him, their smiles identical if not for the fact that they looked like a mirror image of each other. “Davey,” Castor grinned. He lifted up the present he held in his hands, “We bring a token for the birthday boy. Is he here or is he drowning in icing already?”

“The cake’s still in the kitchen,” Dave mutters and steps back to let them in. Those nerds are fucking creepy when they do their mirror image shit. They nod at the same time and walk through the door together, as if it’s easy to enter a doorway side by side. Well, if you’re as skinny as a Captor, Dave thought as he showed them where to put the present, that probably wasn’t very difficult after all.

Dave’s about to shut the door when he sees someone out on the walkway headed up to the porch. Stopping the door mid swing, he pulls it back open to see the last guest there.

Dave remembers when John invited Eridan to his birthday party. It had been before school a week before, and John had done it quietly while Eridan was alone at his locker. Dave had hung back, because John was sure the guy was going to say no and he didn’t want to make a scene. Eridan was practically king of making a scene of anything, if the way he fought with his own friends was anything to go by, but the nerdy hipster had just taken the invite with a strange sort of quietness that had made John shuffle around nervously and abscond the hell out of there before anyone could see the exchange. Eridan had RSVP’d through a call, later the next day, or at least that’s what John had said. The rest of the guests had told John in person they’d attend or not (or not being Tavros who was out of town with his family and Jade who lived in the middle of nowhere re: the ocean) but Eridan had called the number on the card. 

The guy walking up the steps and standing on the porch looked a lot like that same quiet dude that morning before classes. The only difference between them was the present he held in his hands and that it was a different backpack he carried. Eridan had also brought his own pillow, like most of the others, and it had a lumpy side to it, like he’d shoved a blanket inside. Smart, Dave would think later when he was looking for a blanket he could crawl under and go the fuck to sleep, but then he just thought it weird looking.

“Hey, you made it,” He says, stepping back. “Welcome to the madhouse.” 

Eridan gives him a little nod, standing in the doorway. Then he nods again and steps in, making Dave wonder if it was really that terrifying to the guy. He shut the door behind Eridan and gestured to the pile of presents. “That’s where the sacrifices go. Upstairs is where the pillows and bags and shit go.” 

“Okay.” Eridan says into his scarf. Dave rolls his eyes and decides he’s done his hosting for the night. Eridan should be the last guest to arrive, leaving Dave free from answering the door again. He goes to the couch, climbs over the back of it and wedges himself between Aradia and the arm of the couch. She gives him a look and then reaches forwards to grab one of the sodas from the table for him. 

“So what would you suggest we watch?” 

“Besides them?” Dave says, gesturing to John who is now trying to mediate between hands-on-hips Vriska and fists-at-sides Karkat. “I was a big fan of Whiplash. You?”

“Wild.” She said, “But I suspect we’ll be watching Guardians after all. It  _ is _ John’s birthday party, he deserves to be able to pick.”

“And it’s better than Non-Stop  _ or _ Gone Girl,” Nepeta says from her other side. “I vote Guardians as well.”

Dave grins, leaning back, as Rose clears her throat to take command. Nepeta’s made her choice and Rose is going to back her up. If he were to ask, he’d get a layer of psychological babble that translated down to  _ What my girlfriend wants, I will procure for her happiness _ . Rose was a fucking sap like that.

* * *

Pizza arrives halfway through the movie and is summarily devoured while the galaxy is indeed saved by a handful of alien misfits. Dave’s given up his seat on the couch to John, who serves as a barrier between Karkat and Vriska, a position that Dave wants no part of anyway. The twins are in the other arm chair, leaving Dave on the floor next to Eridan. Rose and Nepeta occupy the same space, leaving the last couch position to Aradia. Dave doesn’t give a shit either way because, as it turns out, Eridan brought some of his own snacks for the evening and is willing to share once Dave gives him the proper silent eyebrow wiggles as a request.

Eridan’s snacks aren’t anything fancy, but they’re different than the spread that Dadbert’s set out. He got out skittles first, a bag big enough to share between the two of them, and let Dave have all the red ones without a complaint. Then there were the swedish fish and sour patch kids. Dave leaned back, ignoring the movie for at  _ least  _ five minutes to watch instead the way Eridan sucked the sour sugar from the patch kids. The mini-M&Ms followed that, of which Eridan gave him half the tube in one go, dumping them into Dave’s waiting palms.

The best was probably the jerky, though. It wasn’t in any name brand bag, just a clear plastic that looked like it had been heat sealed at the top. He gets it out just before they get the pizza, slicing open the bag with a pocket knife before Dave can ask him why he’s carrying one of  _ those _ around. When Eridan offers a piece, still sitting quietly on the floor, Dave takes a piece. 

It’s tougher than any jerky he’s had before and doesn’t taste quite the same as regular beef jerky. He’d bet his shades that it  _ wasn’t _ really beef jerky, but doesn’t ask Eridan about it.

Instead, he asks Eridan if he wants a slice of pizza and gets him the two slices he asks for. And the can of cream soda to go with it.

* * *

The cake is enormous.

Dave doesn’t think he’s seen a bigger cake except on TV and then on those wedding shows where they spend thousands of dollars on the damn thing. John groans and sags back on the couch when his dad comes out, covering his face with both hands. Dave can see the grin under it all, though and he sits back with his own grin. The others are excited as well and there’s plenty to be excited about.

There are little slimes and lizards made of icing up and down the three tiers. There’s edible confetti and a faint sheen of sparkles. The icing is green, brown, and blue and made to look like a landscape for all the icing creatures to crawl over. At the top it says “Happy Birthday Son” and along the tiers it says sappy nonsense like “I’m So Proud Of You” and “You’ve Grown So Strong!” There are sparklers lit in the top instead of candles and John laughs helplessly at them as they sputter through their colors. 

Nepeta leads the singing of the happy birthday song and everyone’s clapping and singing along by the end of it. Dadbert sets the cake on the coffee table, beaming at his son and singing along with the rest of them. When the song ends and the sparklers go out, he exchanges them for candles so quickly that even Dave can’t follow the movement of his hands.

John sits up, closes his eyes to make his wish the way Dave’s seen him do for every birthday for the last five years, and then opens his eyes and blows the candles out. They go out for only a second before relighting. Dadbert laughs, John rolls his eyes and licks his fingers to put them out that way. 

The cake itself is pretty damn good too. Everyone gets a huge wedge of the chocolate cake and Dave has no idea what the filling is in the middle, but it’s sweet and has little berry seeds in it and perfect. His stomach is beginning to hurt from all the sweets Eridan’s given him, plus the soda, plus the pizza, plus the jerky and now the cake, but Dave eats it with the fervor of a teen who never got cake except at parties and never got cake this damn orgasmic except at John’s. 

He’s not the only one savoring the deliciousness either. Silence has befallen the group as the great cake demolition goes on in earnest. Dadbert makes a few extra cuts into the cake before waltzing back into the kitchen, whistling merrily with his own slice to eat. Gamzee goes for a second piece, icing making his lips blue, and digs into that with the happy, helpless sigh of a teenager in love. Dave nods sympathetically. 

“‘S pretty good,” Eridan mumbles around his fork. “What is the filling, raspberry buttercream?” 

“Who knows?” Vriska shrugs, getting a second slice herself. “It’s an orgasm in my mouth, that’s all that matters.”

Karkat starts at that description, but Nepeta agrees, loudly. “It  _ is. _ That’s  _ exactly _ it, Vriska. I was wondering how to describe this but that is  _ purrcisely  _ it.” She sighs adoringly and flutters her lashes at Rose, “It’s as sweet in my mouth as you are, Rose.”

Rose leans forward and kisses Nepeta. 

Dave rolls his eyes and looks away from that disgustingly adorable couple. John coughs, loudly, but that doesn’t deter their kissing. Vriska snickers at the way that he squirms on the couch, and at the way that Karkat blushes and looks away. She’s looking around at others to laugh at too and settles on the twins, who watch the kissing with rapt attention.

“God, you two are absolutely perverted,” She laughs.

“If they’re going to make out in front of us--,” Castor says shrugging one shoulder.

“--Then we’re going to oblige them in their desire for an audience,” Pollux ends, shrugging the opposite shoulder from his brother. They nodded and simultaneously took a bite of their own cake, still watching.

The kiss ended eventually, Dave supposed. He had to stop paying attention to that because Rose was like a sister to him. A really weird and spooky sister at times but a sister nonetheless.

Besides, he had something more interesting to look at.

Eridan was eating icing off his plate with his fingers. 

Yeah. That was definitely more interesting than watching his sort-of sister make out with her girlfriend on the couch over cake and orgasms or whatever. 

And then Eridan, finger in his mouth, looked up and caught Dave staring. He stared back, silent. Then his ears turned red. Then his cheeks turned red. He pulled his finger from his mouth with a wet little popping noise that made Dave suddenly very glad that he had his knees up to balance his cake plate. Eridan ducked his chin into his scarf and Dave looked away, reluctantly. 

“So what now?” Aradia asked calmly, putting her empty plate aside. “Presents or more movies or games?”

“Games.” Vriska said immediately.

“Movies.” Karkat countered. 

“Presents!” The twins said together.

“Everything!” Nepeta giggled. 

“Mm, we can’t have everything,” Rose said, “But we could put on movies for those who wanted to watch and play games with those who want to play. I believe someone brought Monopoly?”

Vriska grins like a shark, “Yes. Monopoly. I’m going to make you cry, Egbert.”

Eridan twitches beside Dave, but doesn’t say anything. 

“Can we watch the big hero movie?” Gamzee said from his chair. He looked no different from when he first sat it in, except for the icing on his face and fingers. He was licking it off and Dave noticed, with a sort of detached feeling, that it wasn’t nearly as attractive as when Eridan did it.  _ Huh _ . 

He turned his attention back to Eridan and asked him, “What are you going to do? Watch a movie or play monopoly?”

“Vris is terrible at playing fair,” Eridan muttered back, “She’ll cheat in less than a heartbeat. And she’ll make someone cry. She always does.”

Eridan ducked the next second, missing Vriska’s suddenly swiping hand. He had to lurch closer to Dave to avoid her kicking foot and only managed to do that because Dave was just that accommodating a friend and happily pulled Eridan closer to his side. Of course, this shoved Eridan’s plate of mostly icing against his chest, but even that was all right because Eridan turned pink and began to babble apologetically at Dave. “Shit. Fuck. Sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“Little punk!” Vriska’s wrath was still in force, though and her next kick caught Eridan in the side. 

“Ouch! Fuck  _ off  _ Vris!” Eridan whirled then. Dave still had his arm around Eridan’s shoulders-- how better to pull him away from Vriska’s demon feet?-- so he got to feel the twist of muscle as Eridan turned on the girl. “You cheat at fuckin’ board games, just like you cheat at at fuckin’ any game or any shit thing you gotta do an’ you fuckin’ know it. Don’t fuckin’ kick me ‘cause I’m tellin the truth about you. Fuck.” He rubbed his side, eyeing her cocked leg. “An’ if you try an’ kick me again you’ll be the one who’s sorry.” 

They stared at each other for a long, charged moment. Then John lurched his way between them and said, “How about we don’t play monopoly and we play something else? Yeah? Okay? C’mon guys, I don’t want fighting at my birthday party!” 

Vriska looks away first, sniffing and flinging her hair over her shoulder. She jumps to her feet and says, “I’m not interested in anything  _ but _ monopoly. I’d rather watch that robot hero movie thing with Gamzee.” 

“Ahh no shit sis,” Gamzee said in a lazy drawl. He pat his lap with one hand, “Come take a sit down and we can get all cozy watching the marshmallow robot dude save the motherfucking city.” 

Dave ignored Vriska’s rebuttal for the fact that he had  _ icing _ on his shirt and needed to change. Pronto. He got up, reluctantly leaving Eridan behind as he put his plate on the table and wandered off upstairs. 

Pulling off his shirt as he went into John’s room, he went searching for his bag amid all the others. Tugging it free he dug through it for a clean shirt. He usually brought a spare because shenanigans were always happening at the Egbert household.

“Uhm, Dave?” 

Blinking, Dave turned, still shirtless and having not yet decided which shirt to replace his rad birthday party shirt with. Eridan stood in the doorway, the tips of his ears pink again and staring at something that was not Dave. Well, that was rude of him. “Are you talking to me?”

Eridan frowned. “Who else would I be talking to?” 

“Oh I don’t know. You look like you’re talking to the floor, or maybe your shoes. My face is right here, dude.” Dave pointed at himself. “What is it?” 

“I-” Eridan lifted his chin out from his scarf and looked at Dave. He blinked and reached one hand out to rest on the doorframe. “I wanted to apologize for… lunging at you. And getting icing on your shirt.”

Dave pastes the biggest shit eating grin on his face where he knows Eridan won’t see it because Eridan’s eyes are on his chest. He leans to the side, letting Eridan get a full view of his body. He was pretty skinny, sure, but he had a nice tan from rooftop strifing and a few interesting scars to go along with that ‘hobby’. “No you didn’t. You wanted to come see me with my shirt off.”

Eridan jumped like Dave poked him in the side. His eyes jumped up from Dave’s body to his face and he went a little darker in the cheeks. “I-If you’re unwilling to accept my apology,” his voice was quick and harsh, “then I don’t see why I should stick around an’ be taunted. I was  _ tryin’ _ to be nice.” And just like that he spun on his heel and stalked out of the doorway.

Dave sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He wasn’t interested in  _ nice _ .

Well. Maybe a little nice.  But mostly naughty.

Very, very naughty.

* * *

“You cheated!” Vriska gripped the edge of the table like she was about to flip it. Dave leaned heavily on one side of it, John on the other, while the Captor twins sat across the table from  her, smiling and smug.

“No we didn’t.” Castor said.

“We were a team.” Pollux nodded.

“Nothing in the rules against teams.” Castor sniggered and his brother joined him.

“Teams are cheating! This is a game about the one on one struggle of capitalism and luck! I’m the luckiest so I should have won! I always win. The only way I wouldn’t have won is if you were cheating!” She let go of the table with one hand to point at them furiously. “We never said there were any house rules for teams and that means you cheated! You broke the rules!”

Dave leaned back just in time to miss getting hit in the face with the monopoly board. Vriska flipped it instead of the table, sending houses, hotels, cards, money and game pieces flying. John stood up then and slapped his hands on the table. “Vriska!” 

Rolling his eyes, Dave leaned back even farther. He let John yell at Vriska and demand her help clean up the mess without paying much attention to it. He’d only started playing halfway through when Karkat had started  _ crying _ (okay, admittedly it was out of frustration more than anything, probably, Dave could be generous about that) and gave up. Rather than let the others absorb what he had, Dave had stepped in to play. It was a sucker’s role from the moment he joined, but somehow it was worth it to see Vriska shouting about cheaters to the twins.

They hadn’t been the ones cheating, after all. Dave had been the Banker, and, well, “careful with his funds”. But the twins were so blatantly helping each other that she hadn’t even noticed. Dave figured she deserved it for making Karkat cry and kicking Eridan earlier.

Speaking of Eridan…

Dave put his hands behind his back and stretched a little more. Eridan was on the couch now. They had a movie on, but only Gamzee was watching it. Dave had been watching the Risk game that Rose, Nepeta, Aradia and Eridan were playing together until he’d been sucked into this monstrosity of a fiasco. He was curious to see how they were doing. They didn’t look up at the shouting and he couldn’t hear them do anything more than whisper and roll dice. 

Slipping away from the table, ignoring the way that Vriska demanded  _ he  _ help clean up with a wave of his hand, Dave walked back to the couch. He leaned across the back, right by Eridan’s shoulder and looked over the game. There were only three colors on the board now; black, green and pink. Originally there were red pieces as well; Aradia’s colors. 

“Aw shit, I missed Aradia dying out?”

She glanced up from the board and gave him a little smile, “It was a bloody battle. They wanted Asia and I wouldn’t give it to them without a fight.” 

Considering most of Asia was covered in green, Dave didn’t have to ask who ‘they’ were. He was more interested in black’s pieces- Eridan’s color- than the others, though. He’d just gotten all of Africa when Dave had left, shoving Rose out of the continent with a deliciously attractive amount of ease. Eridan was sitting cross legged on the couch, his hands resting on his knees, leaning forward, eyes intent. His pieces dominated a third of the board, or more perhaps. He had Africa, most of Europe, most of South America and a line leading down the southern border of Asia. 

Currently, he was moving his armies against pink in North America. Other than Australia, that was the last of Rose’s pieces.

Dave glanced up to her, where she sat across Eridan in the armchair. Nepeta was beside her, eyes bright, holding the top of the box for them to roll their dice in. 

“So what’s going on now?” 

“Eridan has declared war against Rose,” Aradia said. “He swore to wipe her off the American continent and push her to the outback. It’s been nothing but silence and dice rolling since then.”

“SHHH,” Karkat hissed from Eridan’s other side. Dave gave him a narrow look. Oh no. He did  _ not _ like the way Karkat was so close to Eridan. What was he doing? Trying to meld himself to Eridan’s arm? No way was he going to let that happen. 

“Give me back my spot, Karkat.” Dave said, quietly, but still low enough to be menacing. Like  _ hell _ was he going to let weepy eyed Karkat get cuddly with  _ his _ Eridan.

Dave blinked behind his shades at the intensity of that thought and then promptly shoved it away as Karkat turned on him, jaw clenched. “You gave it up when you got up, Strider. Fuck off.”

“I got up because you bitched out on a stupid game of monopoly. Now that game is done and I want my spot back.” 

“Go sit with Aradia. There’s plenty of fucking space beside her.” Karkat snapped back, his naturally loud voice climbing in volume. “You can watch the game even better from there! You don’t need this spot.”

“Kar,” Eridan said, reaching for the dice and rolling them without taking his eyes off the board. “Shut the fuck up and move if you’re going to yell.” 

That  _ did _ shut him up, much to Dave’s absolute delight. Karkat gaped at Eridan for a moment. Aradia cleared her throat and said, “I could move if you want this spot, Dave. I don’t mind.”

But he shook his head at her and scowled at Karkat. 

Who, after some blinking at Eridan, turned a scowl on Dave and said huffily. “Fucking. Fine. Whatever. I’m going to get a fucking drink.” He got up, muttering to himself. Gamzee made some noise when he walked past, but Dave didn’t give a shit about that asshole.

He climbed over the back of the chair and sat beside Eridan with a stupid grin. He knew it was a stupid grin. He could even see Rose giving him A Look about it but fuck her too. He got to sit next to Eridan and he was going to see him trounce the ladies at Risk. And then maybe there would be a victory kiss. God. Dave could really go for a victory kiss right about now. 

* * *

At the end of the Risk game, which lasted the rest of Big Hero Six and through most of the recent Hobbit movie, Eridan was declared the victor. He had wiped Rose out of North America and then struggled with Nepeta in Russia for forty minutes, with Rose battering his South Asian forces from Australia at every turn. They fought to the end, but, ultimately, Eridan did win.

Rose offered her hand over the game board. There was one pink piece left on it and she conceded the planet with a handshake. Eridan took it, grinning as he did, and then sat back, staring at the board with a smile that made Dave want to crawl into his lap and ask Eridan to look at  _ him _ that way. 

Shivering, Dave instead offered to help clean up. Eridan had resolutely shook his head. “No. The winner cleans up the game,” He said as he reached for the pieces. “You have to remember that all the fighting doesn’t come without its casualties and these little figures represent lives, not just resources. I have to send them home to their families myself.”

That had gotten him a strange look from Aradia and a thoughtful one from Nepeta, while Rose had wandered off once she had shaken his hand. Dave had just inched closer to Eridan, wondering how to offer a victor’s kiss.  _ Hey, you just took over a fake planet through your superior military might, would you like to demonstrate that might and make out for a while? Maybe for a few hours? Or we could just go retire upstairs and I’ll show you how the ruler of the world should totally be treated? _

“Uh. Dave?” 

Dave blinked and wrenched around. John was blinking at him. “Yeah?” Shit. That was a little breathy. He swallowed and absolutely refused to lick his lips or clear his throat or run his hands nervously through his hair. That wasn’t becoming of a Strider’s cool.

“I asked if you could help clean up a bit, so we can do the presents?” John smiled.

Dave nodded and got up to his feet. He began to clean up trash, along with a few others, while the movie was paused on the TV. Vriska seemed to have been mullified since she was talking with and no longer bitching at the twins, and they were cleaning up a card game they’d had out on the other table. By the time the trash was picked up, the presents had been moved to the coffee table and John had attained the central couch position. 

They waited until everyone was gathered again, Dave and Eridan sitting on the floor facing the couch and their backs to the fireplace, but Dave didn’t mind in the least. He leaned in, just a little, and touched his shoulder to Eridan’s. Eridan glanced to him and gave a little smile. 

“Congrats on utterly dominating Risk,” Dave murmured. 

Eridan smiled more and ducked his chin under his scarf. 

It wasn’t a victory kiss, but it was better than nothing.

John opened the presents with the air of a king receiving gifts from his subjects, if his subjects were his best of best friends, of course. He started with a little nod and picked up the first present.

Dave leaned back. He knew what his was and didn’t care too much what anyone else had gotten John. Well, maybe he cared what Rose got him, and Eridan for obvious reasons, but who the fuck knew what Gamzee would get him. 

(Gamzee got him a Baymax plush doll, as well as a good sized bag of weed that was inside of a zippered pocket on the back. “It’s medicinal,” he had said with a huge grin.) 

(Vriska had laughed and said her present would totally work then. She had gotten John a scorpion shaped bong as well as a polished set of sky blue DnD dice and a core rulebook.)

Of course, Dave’s superior present was a personally customized skateboard that, as he assured John, would get ‘all the air.’ John had lit up when he saw the underside of it- a carefully designed collage of some of his favorite movie posters but scaled down. 

Rose had procured him noise cancelling headphones that came with a microphone attachment and had knitted him a sweater in the “Traditional Wizard Style”-- meaning it was garishly orange and red and had a big letter “J” on it. 

(The twins had shoved their present in John’s hands right after that, saying it would ‘make the most sense then’ and got John’s rolled eyes at the Amature Magician and Comedian Routine Set. He’d thanked them for it and the surprisingly nice quality top hat that came with it.)

(Karkat was shaking by this time and demanded John open his present next. Dave didn’t know what it was, but it made John shout happily and hug Karkat, so whatever that collection of DVDs were they were probably pretty dorky and something John wanted.)

Aradia was cool enough to acknowledge, Dave decided. Or maybe that was just his good mood because Eridan was leaning more against his shoulder like  _ he _ was nervous and Dave was leaning back because there was no reason to be nervous. John was sure to like whatever Eridan brought. John as a soft hearted nerd like that. 

Aradia’s present was almost as cool as the bunny Dave had gotten John a few years ago. It was a worn looking hat. The certificate said it was one of the few hats that Harrison Ford had worn while working on Indiana Jones. John had put it on  _ immediately _ . He had also kissed Aradia’s cheek, so there was that.

Nepeta’s present was pretty excellent too. Dave admitted as John unrolled it carefully, glancing to her as he did so. His jaw dropped when he finished unrolling it and then he had shouted “YES. FUCK YEAH.” and jumped up on his feet. There was plenty of shouting until he held it out for everyone to see and then, of course, Dave was grinning too. 

It was a fake movie poster with John as the center hero, a gun toting Jade, a fierce looking Rose and, Dave, swooning in the proper princess pose. The small text read at the top  _ Four Unlikely Friends from Four Unlikely Homes-- Can They Escape And Save Humanity Or Will They Remain-- _ And then, at the bottom in huge letters  _ HOMESTUCK. _ There was a lot of cheering and clapping at that. Nepeta beamed with pride.

Dave grinned, even to Eridan, who looked back at him with a weak little smile and his chin further in his scarf. His was the last present and perhaps the smallest. He held his breath as John sat down and took it out. Inside of the paper was a card. He opened it and read it over, smiling a little when he did.

He looked up after reading it and turned that smile on Eridan. Dave felt him relax a little bit then. “This is pretty sweet.”

“What is it?” Vriska demanded, leaning forward. 

John snapped the card shut and said, “Some excellent fucking gift cards from my bro over there. Guess who’s going to Sassacre’s and buying whatever the hell they want under fifty buckeroos? That’s right, this birthday guy. Thanks Eridan!”

Eridan let out a heavy breath and Dave bumped his shoulder with his own. “Nice one,” he murmured under his breath.

Eridan glanced to him and then away, muttering, “It was the best I could do, I guess. I hardly fuckin’ know him. I don’t know why he even invited me here.” 

But before Dave could answer that one, or begin to figure out how to answer it, the lights in the room flickered off and on for a few seconds and there was a surprised shriek that went up. Dadbert suddenly appeared in front of them. “John. My son. It is time.”

“Christ, Dad, what the hell?” John clutched at his chest with one hand.

“It is the thirteenth, your birthday, son, and also a Friday. It is time for the final movie of the night. Are you all comfortable? It will be frightening.” He looked over them and Dave shivered so badly that Eridan seemed to catch the motion and then give it back to him. 

John sighed heavily. “Ten minutes to get ready, please?”

Dadbert nodded and turned away to get the TV set up. John got to his feet and said, “We should get pillows and blankets or whatever, okay? Dad usually picks the fucking weird movies.”

Dadbert clucked, “Such language, son,” but didn’t do anything other than flip through netflix on the screen.

Dave got to his feet. “Well, I am definitely not sitting my bare ass on the floor without some creature comforts. C’mon Eridan, let’s fetch pillows and shit together.” He offered his hand to Eridan and absolutely refused to giggle when Eridan took it and let Dave pull him up to his feet. 

He hadn’t realized that Eridan was taller than him until that moment but, honestly, Dave was perfectly fine with that. He got to gaze up longingly at Eridan that way. Or, wait, shit. Was he gazing longingly now? Shit. 

With a quick little smirk, Dave hurried off to the stairs, waving his hand for Eridan to follow. His heart jumped in his chest when he did, but Dave refused to let that make him do anything stupid. Well. At least anything  _ else  _ stupid. 

* * *

No amount of plush comforts being sat on or warm blankets being snuggled under or even the sound of others gasping or muttering in horror could make up for the fact that Dave was now deeply disturbed. He had had to take his shades off to watch the movie, because Dadbert insisted it was only to be watched in the dark. He had huddled under his blanket, not jumping at the scares but definitely not able to look the fuck away from that screen. Old people already weirded him out and possessed old people? Or whatever the hell was wrong with this Deborah Logan? That was fucked up.

Dave was fucked up just watching this. He flinched a little and pulled the blanket tighter around himself. 

Of course,  _ that _ was when Eridan seemed to want to make his move. Or a move. Or something. Dave had to drag his eyes away from the screen to look over and see Eridan’s face in the dim glow of the TV to be sure if it was a move or not. It didn’t help much, as Eridan was staring at the TV as Dave had just been. But his hands hand found Dave both under his own blanket and under Dave’s. He scoot closer and then closer still when Dave shifted his arm to give Eridan some more space to hang onto him. 

They didn’t share blankets, or even a word, but they sat there during the movie with Eridan’s arms wrapped around one of Dave’s. They sat with their hands holding onto each other during the rest of the movie which, while it didn’t really help with how fucked up and fucking creepy it was, it did make Dave feel less alone during his suffering.

When it finally ended, and it had to at some point, the lot of them sat in the dark for what seemed like forever to Dave. 

He knew he didn’t want to move because he was just beginning to run his fingers over Eridan’s knuckles and was thinking of how to ask him to vanish off for a while and burn the movie out of their brains with some kissing.

He hoped Eridan didn’t want to move for similar reasons.

In the end, Dadbert turned on the light above the stairs and said, with a yawn, “Well, kids, you be good now and don’t burn the house down. I’m headed to bed.” And with that, he vanished up the stairs and into his room.

After he’d gone, someone asked- it sounded like Karkat, really- “How can he go to sleep so easily after  _ that? _ I don’t think I’m ever going to sleep again.”

Privately, Dave agreed.

* * *

Dave stumbled out of the bathroom at an ungodly hour. It was definitely after midnight and definitely before sunrise but that was all he was one hundred percent sure about. He’d left his phone in the pocket of his jeans when he’d changed into pajama pants somewhere around the hour after that horror flick and knew where it was but couldn’t get to it. Last he saw his bag it was being used as a pillow by Aradia. He would have shoved anyone else off his bag- well, maybe not Rose or Nepeta they were too nice for that sort of bullshit, but definitely those twins or Vriska- to get to it but, in honesty, he didn’t need it.

It was fucking late at night and that’s what mattered.

He made it to the top of the stairs and stopped, listening. There should have been voices. When he went into the bathroom, there had been voices. It had been John and Rose and, occasionally, Vriska, talking but they had been talking. 

Now, peering over the bannister into the dimly lit living room, he saw that their heads had fallen over and they had gone to sleep.

...How long had he been in the bathroom? 

Rubbing at his own face, Dave considered his options. Go downstairs and find a spot to curl up and sleep or go to John’s room and find somewhere to curl up and sleep. He could see the couch from where he was, and the armchairs. Karkat was in one and Gamzee the other while on the couch was John, Nepeta and Rose. Vriska was on the floor under one of the blankets Dave had fetched for the movie.

He shuddered. Fucking possessed old people.

Okay. So John’s room it was.

In there he found the twins and Aradia, half piled on bags and other shit on the floor. It looked like Aradia had brought a sleeping bag with her, or had found one, and the twins the same as they were three little worms of cloth bundled together. The bed, to Dave’s surprise, had only a single occupant.

Eridan.

Oh yes. _Oh_ _fuck yes._

Dave picked his way through the dimly lit room, thanking John’s weird nightlight habit- or his dad’s weird nightlight habit or whoever put those little blue squares around the house to see by- and made it to the bed. There was even a second pillow. Fuck. He had seriously scored. No floor sleeping for  _ him _ .

He climbed onto the bed and then stopped still. 

Eridan turned and blinked, looking up at him. “...’ave?”

“Shh,” Dave whispered, putting his finger to his lips. “Mind scooting over and sharing the bed? I don’t want to sleep on the floor like the rest of these lame kids.” 

“Mmm,” Eridan shifted closer to the wall obligingly. Dave climbed in, putting his shades on the table beside the bed with Eridan’s glasses. He gave a little sigh when he sank in and pulled the pillow close. Then he gave another, much happier, sigh when Eridan lifted his blanket up and draped it over him. “‘S cold,” Eridan murmured before closing his eyes again.

“Yeah. I’ll keep you warm,” Dave muttered as he inched closer. He tentatively rested his hand on Eridan’s chest, feeling his heartbeating through the cloth of his shirt. Eridan made some other noise and his arm draped over Dave’s side.

Smiling, Dave let himself fall asleep just like that.

* * *

Warmth.

And something wrapped around him.

Heavier than a blanket, more like a rope? 

Weird. Who put a rope on him in his sleep?

Wait.

Wasn’t that? Oh yeah. That was a hand.

Dave smiled. That felt nice. The hand was on his back, touching him gently. Was that what woke him up? It was such a nice feeling.

Or maybe it was something else because Dave shifted and he heard something that time. 

His legs brushed… other legs?

Wait a minute.

Dave opened his eyes and looked up. 

There were only a few inches between him and Eridan. Their arms were around each other. Their legs were tangled together. The blanket was up to Dave’s ear and it was what kept the heat between them trapped there. Eridan was looking back at him with such a strange expression. He was smiling, sure, but there was this look in his eyes…

Dave did not like it one bit.

Closing his eyes again, he leaned in and burrowed against Eridan, tucking his head under that pointed chin. Eridan didn’t have his scarf on, of course, so Dave figured his neck must be cold. Well. He could pretend to be a scarf to fix that little issue. “This is a nice dream,” he murmured, his lips so close to Eridan’s skin he felt his breath hit it and bounce back. “Don’t wake me up.”

The arms tightened around him at once. Dave felt the hands touching his back more earnestly now. One crawled its way up to his shoulders and the back of his neck. It curled fingers through his hair and Dave couldn’t help the shiver he felt from the touch. His own arms were trapped, one between their bodies and the other a little too snug under Eridan’s elbow, so Dave retaliated instead with his mouth. 

His heart jumped in his chest as he pressed his lips against Eridan’s throat. It wasn’t a kiss, not quite, with the way he mouthed the skin, his lips parted and the tip of his tongue darting out, but it was damn near close to one. Whatever it was called, it made Eridan make this little noise in the back of his throat- one Dave felt as well as he heard. 

Of course, the mouthing quickly became kisses, especially when Eridan gave a little whisper of his name and only curled closer around Dave instead of pulling away. That had to be a good sign, right there. So Dave kissed Eridan’s neck until he had to go up or go down and while he loved the idea of kissing that chest that his hand rested against, he figured he should make sure that Eridan was just as happy with this as he was.

Lifting his head from one of his more lingering kisses over Eridan’s pulse, Dave shifted enough to meet his gaze. That strange melancholy look was gone now and Eridan’s eyes were dazed and blinking slowly. He smiled at Dave and said, “It’s a very nice dream.”

Dave leaned in, “Want to keep dreaming with me?”

“Yes,” Eridan said immediately. “Please.” 

That was all the assurance Dave needed. He kissed Eridan happily after that, finally wrangling a hand free to put it behind Eridan’s neck to guide him in the kiss. They shifted on the bed until Dave was saturated in warmth and the welcome weight of Eridan’s body on top of his own. The kissing was better than the cake the night before, though Dave had no damn clue how that was possible. All he knew is that when he licked across Eridan’s lips, they opened and then he had a whole second mouth to explore and he did so with absolute delight. 

Dave lost his cool about the time that Eridan began sucking on his tongue. He tried to tell himself to calm the fuck down, really he did, but someone was making all these needy noises and he was mostly sure it was himself. He certainly did groan and gasp for breath when Eridan broke the kiss and moved his mouth around Dave’s jaw to his ear.

There was a single moment where Dave’s flush skin felt cool air and he blinked, looking up to see Eridan’s head twisted away. He was looking at something that wasn’t Dave and that was not cool. Dave retaliated by shifting his legs and getting the angle just right for Eridan’s thigh against his groin so he would know who he was supposed to be paying attention to. 

Eridan did turn around, face even more flushed than before, but instead of going back to the kissing, he hissed, “They’re going to wake up and see us.”

Dave shuddered, and it wasn’t out of the horror of embarrassment either. He rocked his hips up, loved the way Eridan choked on his breath at that motion, and whispered, “Then be really, really quiet and we won’t wake them up.”

Eridan smothered a moan against Dave’s mouth. He rubbed his leg against Dave and went back to kissing in earnest. 

The intensity spiked as Eridan began to touch Dave in earnest then. The kisses were just as engulfing as before but somehow became more breathless when Eridan’s fingers slid up the inside of Dave’s shirt and ran lightly over his skin. Not too light to tickle, but still gentle and searching. 

Dave devoted his hands to what he thought was most important. They held Eridan’s hips and helped grind him down, adding friction to the heat between them. The sparks were so hot Dave had a fleeting worry of catching their clothes on fire with it. 

It vanished the next moment as Eridan’s kissing drove it from his mind. 

Dave gave up his handhold on hips for a much more satisfying handful of plush rump. There were some benefits of being the smaller person, it seemed, when he found that he had the perfect range to grope Eridan’s ass with his hands and also bite at the base of his neck. Eridan’s voice as a breathy moan in his ear as he rocked down against Dave. Lifting his knee a little, Dave stifled a groan of his own against Eridan’s skin when the shift gave him more pressure to his own hard cock.

Eridan came first, much to Dave’s smug delight, and he came with Dave’s name on his lips and those lips at Dave’s ear. He shuddered in Dave’s arms and Dave arched his back to keep as much of his body in contact with Eridan’s as he could manage. He didn’t last much longer after that, especially with the way Eridan kept whispering in his ear after he’d recovered enough to form words. 

Panting in the aftermath, Dave whispered, “Woah.”

Eridan slid off of him to lay on his side. The blanket pulled and sent shivers up Dave’s arms as it exposed him to the chilly room beyond. He turned to snuggle back into the blanket and then stopped. He had just fucking come in his pants. So had Eridan. They should clean up. At least they hadn’t gotten anything on John’s sheets.

That thought surprised a snort out of Dave. “Oh god, I can’t ever tell John about this.”

He felt Eridan go stiff beside him, and not in the good way. Frankly that was surprising to Dave, considering how relaxed he was feeling. Looking over he saw Eridan had turned his head away, eyes shut tight and lips pressed firmly together.

Dave blinked at him and then said, “Would you want to know that your best friend rolled around on your bed with some guy? Like, sure, I’ve got a lot of permission to do shit while I’m here, but John’ll be pissed to find out that I’m the one who took the virginity of his mattress.”

That eased the tension out of Eridan’s shoulders, but not his face. “Right. Because if we hadn’t used his bed, you’d be eager to tell him that it was  _ me _ that you ended up kissing.”

“He’s my bro.” Dave said simply, “And how else am I going to explain why I’m glad he invited you to the party? It’s an impressive wingman who gets you some sexy time without even realizing they’re doing it.” 

Now Eridan stared at him. Dave met his gaze silently for a minute and then shifted, trying to find the next words to say. It wasn’t like they had had sex, but it had been a definite, ah, experience. Dave wasn’t sure exactly what to call it beyond ‘sexy time’. 

Eridan covered his face with one hand and then said, “I can’t go back to sleep like this. I need to clean up.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Dave rolled over, back towards the edge of the bed, and reached for the nightstand. John was his friend, after all, and so he knew where John’s, ahem, clean up supplies were. He’d shoved them out of sight when he was going to have others, but Dave knew where he put them too. Searching in the little drawer, Dave found what he wanted and rolled back. “John’s a weird clean dude in some cases. Dadbert gave him an STD talk that was hours longer than the birds and bees and I think it traumatized him. So here, moist towelettes for you and me and some kleenex. That enough?”

Eridan blushed but took them from Dave. He put his back to Dave to clean up, but a dude was allowed his privacy, Dave figured. He cleaned up himself, muttering under his breath about the wet patch on his boxers. 

There was some embarrassed shuffling as Dave had to fetch the trash can tucked under John’s bed, but once that was done too, Eridan seemed settled back on the bed, under the blanket, and quiet. Dave slid under the blanket himself and then said with a shit eating grin, “Wanna cuddle?”

Eridan lifted his arm for Dave and nodded silently. Dave scooted into that embrace, smirking to himself the whole time. He fell asleep first with Eridan’s fingers moving restlessly up and down his shoulder and his head tucked under Eridan’s chin again. 

Yeah. John definitely deserved some sort of gift for being the best accidental wingman ever.

* * *

“PANCAKES!”

Dave woke with a jerk that jammed the top of his head into something sharp and pointy and hard. He groaned, reaching for his head while Eridan groaned and turned away to hold his chin. They had to roll apart when they did and in that next moment someone ripped the blanket off of them and shouted, “Wake up! It’s pancake time!”

Dave stared at Nepeta, who was far to happy, and then put his back to her. “Fuck off. I’m sleeping here.”

“Mm, sure.  _ Sleeping _ .” She said, “That’s why you’re all cuddly buddy with each other.” There was a click of something and then she raised her voice to a shout again, “Rose! Dave’s in a compromising position!” 

There was some muffled shout that must have come from outside the room and Dave sat up in irritation. “I’m up. I’m up. Get out of here you harpy.”

She stuck her tongue out at them and Dave saw she was sticking her phone into her pocket. The door opened behind her and John leaned in saying, “No way! He’s not at all in a compromising position. He’s just sitting there! Nepeta, you tell Rose to not take my twenty bucks!”

Nepeta grinned and bounced across the room. The floor was devoid of sleepers, Dave saw as he watched her go. “I have purroof! Go give your twenty to Rose like a good boy now.”

John looked at the phone in her hand and then up to Dave, mournful, “Daaaave, couldn’t you have managed to  _ not _ sleep like a tangle buddy for _ once _ ? C’mon, be a bro and tell me you staged this to get my money!”

“Dude, you bet on me?” Dave said, shaking his head, “What the fuck, bro. You bet  _ against _ me?”

“There was supposed to be no one left you could have slept with that you wanted to cuddle with! It was totally reasonable!” John said, waving a hand. “You only do it with me, like, once in a while and that was when you were younger! What happened to the Strider cool? The aloof ironies?”

Dave blinked at him and then turned to look at Eridan. 

Eridan was sitting up behind him, his head carefully turned so that the hickey on his neck wasn’t visible from the door. It sure was visible to Dave.

“I dunno, bro. I think Eridan might have sucked it out of me.” Dave reached back, put his arm around Eridan and then said with a leer to John, “‘Cause we sure as shit didn’t just cuddle.”

“Dave!” John shouted, “That’s _MY BED!”_

Both John and Eridan turned a bright red, which made it easier for Dave to keep his cool. He wasn’t the one fighting the surprise of embarrassment. He leaned more against Eridan and snickered at the way that John absconded from the doorway, shouting after Rose. Then he kissed Eridan, who kissed back with a desperate sort of harshness that Dave found he really liked.

He’d have to explain to John, later, but for now letting him stew in misconception was much, much more satisfying.

* * *

Dave looked up from the pancake, brows up over his shades, and said, “If this is your attempt at a prank, John…” He let the words drift off as he gestured to his plate.

It was covered by a large pancake, a chocolate chip one from the look of it, and on the top of it was a phrase written in icing. Pink icing. 

_ Congrats on the Sex! Always Remember to Wear a Condom and Be Safe! _

Sitting next to him at the dining table as Eridan, who had the same pancake and same message. He hadn’t even looked up from it yet, his face red and his scarf pulled higher up on his neck than normal. Dave knew that was because of the hickeys and he had a strong suspicion that everyone else knew it too.

“Dude. No.” John said, sitting across the table. He shoved pancake into his own mouth and said, “That’s all Dad.”

Dave looked up to see the man standing with Gamzee by the skillet, patiently instructing the drugged out kid on proper pancake flipping techniques. Then he looked back to the pancake and sighed. “Dadbert’s always been pretty fucking weird…”

“...John,” Eridan said after a long pause, “Is your dad some sort of baking wizard?”

Glancing over, Dave saw that Eridan was staring at his pancake. He had cut a piece off and eaten it, it seemed, and his eyes were wide. He snorted and cut into his own pancake, smearing the icing across the top. Like he needed a condom reminder,  _ really _ , Bro gave him plenty of that bullshit to deal with on his own. 

“Nah,” John said, “He just does it a lot so he got good, I guess. I don’t know. He doesn’t ever stop. Like. Ever.” He was eating his own pancake as if it wasn’t the unfathomably delicious treat that Dave knew it was. “He tones it down when it’s just us, but for a party like this? Pff. It’ll be pancakes for now and if anyone tries to stick around ‘til lunch he’ll be popping out cookies and those little croissant biscuits or something for sandwiches.”

“Croissants are good,” Eridan mumbled into his food.

The door to the kitchen burst open. Vriska, her hair damp from a shower, practically lunged at Eridan. She grabbed his chair and shook it, “You got  _ laid _ , Eridan!?” 

“In my bed!” John whined. Dave kicked him under the bed. 

Eridan rolled his eyes at Vriska. “No, Vris, a course not. I’ve just got a fuckin’ safe sex talk from a pancake for no goddamn reason.” 

Dadbert cleared his throat and they all paused to look at him. He frowned slightly and said, “Now you are all growing up into fine young men and women but I still would appreciate if the vulgarity could be held back. Dave, it is often a vain hope with you but I do have hope for you, young Mr. Ampora. You seem like a fine, upstanding young man.” He nodded at them. 

“Uh. Yes, sir.” Eridan blinked at the man. Vriska snickered. 

“Please! Call me Dad. Everyone does.”

Eridan nodded and said, “Yes, sir.” 

Dadbert seemed somewhat flustered by this. Luckily Gamzee turned and asked him something and he hurried back over to keep anything from catching fire.

John frowned at Eridan, “You could call him dad, y’know. Almost everyone does.”

“I do not need another father figure in my life,” Eridan said dryly. “Three is plenty, thank you.” He shoved more pancake into his mouth. Dave blinked at him and then looked at Vriska for an explanation.

She grinned and twirled her wet hair around a finger. “Dad! Can I have some pancakes?” She dropped into the seat beside Eridan. Quieter, she said to him, “And  _ you _ have some explaining to do, Ampora. I want to know allll the details.”

“So you can put it in that creepy friend fiction book of yours?” Eridan asked, “Or do you have someone to lord the information over? I don’t think Dave will be embarrassed by it and John already knows it was in his bed so that won’t work either.”

“Friend fiction?” John asked but was completely ignored. Dave ate in silence, watching them with interest. 

“The story is better with a bit of truth in it,” Vriska waved her hand at Eridan. Then she smiled at Dadbert who gave her a plate of pancakes and some utensils to go with it. Slathering it in syrup, she added, “And the only people who would be fun to lord over already know. You won’t believe how red Karkat turned when he found out you two spent the night in the same bed, let alone you got caught up in some sort of sex act.” Her eyes sparkled, “Not that anyone is quite sure what sex act that was…”

“It was satisfyin’,” Eridan said with a sniff and a turn of his head. “And Kar chokes on his tongue even at the word  _ condom _ , a course he’s gonna flip the fu-- he’ll freak out when that kinda stuff comes up.” 

“Ahem.” 

Vriska shut her mouth on her reply and looked up with the rest of them. Dadbert was back at the table, looking serious in his apron. “I don’t mean to impose upon your parent’s duties, Mr. Ampora, but I find it important to stress the point of safety during sexual intercourse, especially between those who are young and likely to entertain multiple partners within a short span of time.” His hand flit out and Dave bit his lip to not laugh at the condoms that appeared on the table between him and Eridan. For all his cool talk to Vriska, Eridan was blushing again. 

“Uh, thank you, sir.” Eridan said quietly. 

“Yes,” Dave said, plucking the condoms off the table, “Thanks Dad. I’ll let Bro know you say it’s okay for me to have sex over at your house.”

John made a quiet choking noise that was the perfect echo of Dadbert’s. The man waved a hand and said, “That is not my intention. This behavior is as likely to happen under supervision as it is not and certain measures should be taken to assure everyone’s safety during the activity. Preparedness is important not just for physical health but mental health as well.”

“Yup,” Dave shoved the condoms into his pocket, “Cool. I figure we’re all prepared, right Eridan?” 

Eridan had his face in his hands.  He sighed heavily and then muttered, “I’m just glad my dad’s out of the country for a while so I can figure out how to tell him about this.” 

Surprisingly, it was Vriska who reached out and pat him comfortingly on the head. “Don’t worry Eridan. It won’t be  _ nearly _ as bad telling him as it will be telling your mom!”

Eridan groaned and let his head hit the table. It would have hit the pancake if Dave didn’t shove his plate out of the way in time. Vriska laughed brightly while Dave and John shared a confused look. 

“But really,” John said after his dad wandered away again, “Friend fiction?”

* * *

“Is it really going to be a problem with your parents?”

Dave had managed to get Eridan alone again after a couple hours. No one had been all that intent to leave after pancakes and the delightful new gossip that was Dave’s love life but eventually the Captor’s uncle had showed up and Karkat’s dad had taken him and Gamzee off. Vriska left reluctantly and Aradia about ten minutes after her. Rose and Nepeta were talking with John and so Dave was able to pull Eridan aside to talk. 

They sat at the top of the stairs, knees touching, turned to face each other slightly. Eridan fiddled with the end of his scarf in his hands and didn’t look up at Dave at the question. 

Dave was too nervous to let him sit in silence for long. He nudged Eridan with his knee and then said, “I mean, a lot of people know about it and we didn’t tell them to be quiet about it. I don’t know if we could even convince Vriska to be quiet about it… But if your parent’s don’t know you’re gay--”

Eridan snorted and shook his head. “It’s not that. They know that. It’s just…” He sighed and rolled his eyes. “My family life is kind of stupidly complicated. Half the time I’m living with my mother, the other half the time I’m with my dad and they’re both, like, overly protective and fucked up in their own way, you know?”

Dave a shrug. Bro was like that too, protective and fucked up. “I know I can be pretty slow but if you explain it in little words, I’ll understand.”

Eridan rolled his eyes. He pulled at the end of his scarf some more and then sighed. “My parents divorced a long time ago because of a lot of reasons, one of those being that they fought each other all the time and another being that my dad turned out to be massively gay.” He looked up at Dave and gave a little smile, “They both got remarried after a while, my mom to this like, tiny mousy guy who lets her coddle him and protect him and boss him around and my dad to this guy who is like, the biggest dude around but has the heart of a tiny baby lamb or some shit. They’re still friends, sort of rivals sometimes, but they were too much the same to stay married.

“Mom’s the one who lives close to John, which is I guess how he knows me. I think she might have dated his dad back a long time ago, just after the divorce, but I’m not sure. I was pretty young.” Eridan shrugged at this. “So she might be more okay with what he’s said today, but she still won’t really like it.”

“What, because you’re not supposed to know about sex or something?” Dave had to say with a bite of snark.

Eridan frowned at him, “Not that. That’ll be my dad. He thinks I’ll be his little baby forever, doesn’t want me to grow up. She’ll just be pissed that someone besides her tried to parent me about sex, or say that it was fine for me to have before I was ‘old enough to appreciate the consequences of such physical intimacy’.” Eridan said, lifting a hand for the air quotes. “I’ll tell them it wasn’t as far as it could have been and that’ll help, but Dad will want to ‘test’ you for your worthiness and my mom won’t be happy about me going over to other people’s houses for a while.”

“Let him test me,” Dave said, suddenly taking Eridan’s hand. “That’s what my Bro does all the time anyway. I can handle that. And I’d like to see where you live anyway. So you don’t have to come over to my place, I’ll go to yours.”

Not that Dave wanted to take Eridan home. Bro would be a monster about it, he always fucking was, and the smuppets might ruin whatever it was he was trying with Eridan before it could even form properly. But maybe, eventually, when they were stronger in their relationship or something. Or maybe they would never be and Dave would never have to bring him home. He just didn’t know yet.

“Can you handle a gun?” Eridan was asking, looking into his face again.

“Nah. I’m all swords.”

Eridan frowned and mumbled, “Well. That might work for Dad. I don’t know. He’s always threatening to shoot my first boyfriend with a shotgun before letting anyone taint my virtue or some bullshit. Treats me like the daughter of a sexist militant, the asshole.” 

“Well he’s not worried over nothing,” Dave said, leaning in with a grin, “I am absolutely interested in tainting your virtue.” He waggled his eyebrows at the blush Eridan gave, “And as long as he doesn’t actually fire the shotgun I’m sure I’ll be fine. It isn’t shuriken after all, and I’ve been dodging those since I was like, three.” 

He smirked at the confused look Eridan gave him and squeezed his hand. “I want to date you, Eridan, and a fucked up family isn’t going to stop me from at least trying.”

“Really?” Eridan asked, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“Really. I’d even go all White Knight on your ass to save you from the tower if they tried to lock you up and keep you away from me, Princess.” He smirked, “Because you’re a hell of a kisser and I want to see if this weekend was a weird chance or something more.”

Eridan really smiled then and leaned in, “I’d like that too. I was hoping just to make a friend this weekend, but a boyfriend is even better.”

Dave kissed him then, because the whole point of boyfriends over friends was that you could kiss them. That and he had been telling the truth, Eridan was a pretty decent kisser, especially when he did that thing with his tongue-

_ Yeah _ , Dave thought as he moaned into Eridan’s mouth,  _ this is gonna totally work out. _


End file.
